Wow. It’s been a really long time since I’ve blogged. I guess it’s due to the fact that I didn’t really need to rant here anymore considering I know have AMANDA KAY FOOOOOOOOO to talk to everyday. (Yes Manny, be honoured I mentioned you here.)
Reading my last few posts from a few months ago realised how quick situations have changed. Life is definitely treating me well and I’m truly thankful. During the beginning of this year when things were so disastrous, I’d never thought that I’d this happy.
There are times, like now, where I’d think of the past. I mean, the past is the past and there’s not a thing I can change about it. However, this feeling I carry hidden within my heart, the feeling of frustration and anger, reveals everytime I think about you. How stupid can you get? I mean, I still don’t know the answer to why we broke up. You didn’t even bloody give me a full explanation or reason. We just broke. Just like that. Don’t you know that I loved you so much that I gave you everything? Yes, everything. Have you no sincerity for me at all? Bloody freaking bastard. I hope you burn in hell and die and your fats can make the burning longer and you’ll die an even more horrible death.
Okeydokes change topic. Thinking about him makes my brain rot because his face just makes all my brain juice and brain mush decay and shit. And this is pretty much a sum up of how I feel about the past.
On the bright side, things have changed for the better and holymotherofcheeseandbacon things have moved on fast. I don’t know though, I’m a little confused. I don’t want to make the same mistake again and what happens if things go wrong? Hm, turmoil. In my whole life, it always has been me that love others more than they love me. But now it’s a little different; it’s the opposite. Perhaps I’m holding back a little from the fear that I may get hurt again and if I do, I doubt I’ll be able to pick myself up like last time. Broken twice in a span of 2 months last year was horrible. The pain and heartbreak and tears I shed were so much that I fear giving myself up fully to anyone. I am afraid of getting hurt. I am afraid of losing those that I keep closest to heart. And I am afraid of hurting and getting hurt.
I am really thankful that you are taking everything so slow though; just how I like it. We’re not rushing into anything and the pace that we have set is absolutely perfect. It is amazing how understanding you are and can be despite all the mistakes that I have made in the past. It’s been a while since I’ve been this close to anyone. Late night talks, long texts, morning texts and prolonged butterflies – I haven’t had them in a very very long time.
You are so sweet, to the point where I go speechless and there’s nothing I can possibly do expect to hug you. You are a life turner, and you’ve definitely proved me wrong about my perspective of the male species. If you were a potato, you’re my french fries. Because I like french fries:)
(Hello Manny, thank you for being there all these while. You are the sweetest girl I have ever known and honestly speaking, I hope we will still keep in contact after we graduate. You changed my life actually and without you to keep me on the ground, I doubt I’ll be able to be the person I am today. You have no idea how much you mean to me but I do try to show them through food and hughugs. Keep smiling beautiful:) )