I’m not going to worry, and I’m going to be happy.
“Sixth January. Exactly 2 years ago, this day was amazing. I don’t know if you remember this date, but to me, it was one of the best but yet nerve wracking days of my life. However, the past is the past and I am not going to dwell upon it.”
Coming back to reality now. Honestly, this week has been somewhat peaceful for me; except for the start of this week but other than that, peaceful. Peaceful at home, that is. No nagging at me, no shouting, scolding, or any form of communication with me. Barely talked of even looked at you this week and to be honest, I hope it carries on this way for the whole of this year.
HOWEVER, what annoys me most is that you’ll take every opportunity to indirectly bring me down by ranting about my flaws to Dad. You want me to hear them, don’t you. You want me to be affected by them, don’t you. You just can’t seem to keep your comments to yourself. You have to just rant and complain and nag just for the sake of it. Well, like I said in my previous post, I have no time for them. So what I do is just plug my ears in and blast music till my heart’s content.
Don’t want to have anything related to you; I won’t eat your meals, bother with you, look at you or even mention your ‘name’. Alternatively, I try not to think about you at all. That is partially because I’m extremely exhausted mentally and emotionally by you, and mainly because I would be wasting my time. You don’t mean anything to me anymore, remember. So there is no point dwelling upon something or someone when that particular puts in absolutely no thought for you at all.
Today has been a long week, and every day I dread going home. I was wrong, I ‘don’t hate it here’, I hate you. Yea, you. I think you’re disgusting. That’s exactly how I feel about you. You’re not fit to be a mother. You may say that I’m not fit enough to your daughter, but remember, you made me. So you can’t hate your ‘creation’. That’s just stupid. It was your choice to have me so you have no say whether I’m fit enough to be your daughter.
Like I said, it’s not about the phone or whatever crap excuse you’ve made, it’s about you. Not anything else. I’m going to be biased, and I am going to make it obvious. I’m going to be extra nice to Dad, Addison and especially Annabelle. It’s what you do to. You show your biased attitude towards Addison and Dad, and neglect us. I’ll give you a taste of your medicine. I’ve done this before and I was hoping I didn’t have to repeat, but once again, you’ve pushed me to my limits.
I’m so tired. Just so so tired. Every night I plonk on my bed and pig out 5 minutes later. Off to La La Land every night I go. Physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted is the worst kind of exhaustion anyone has to face. Yet, here I am still alive and well. I know I’ll get through this with His guidance.
“Your life is short, we only get to live it once so live and learn, and give it all you’ve got.” – Guy Sebastian