Today was ultimately the most unproductive day of school. We did nothing, absolutely nothing. Well, nothing academically related at least. All we did was a course on Financial Literacy and a celebration of Deeparaya (a combination Deepavali and Hari Raya I think) for morning’s assembly. The performance dragged on for a good long one and a half hour and it seemed forever to end. Nevertheless, it was a good performance from all the Malays and Indians.
Time moved on very slowly and monotonously throughout the day. It was just so slow paced. I was so drained from last night and I was lucky that I had a good 6 hours of sleep.
“Last night was horrible. Absolutely horrendous. I got into bed and I momentarily broke down. I wasn’t expecting it. I didn’t even see it coming. I’m guessing that too many things were held too close to heart and I haven’t had a chance yet to express it or let go. I definitely was not moping neither was I drowning myself in my own misery; feeling sorry for myself. I honestly just had too much on my hands and the only way I could let go of these clogged up emotions was to cry. Cry like a helpless little baby.”
When school ended, my Amaths teacher called upon me as I was on my way out of the school compounds; asking what went wrong during the day of the exam. My mind raced and my heart beat accelerated. ‘Oh gosh, was it that bad?” was all that I could say in reply. I was purely disappointed and disgusted with what he said on my upcoming results which are to be revealed tomorrow.
However, knowing I was feeling terrible and on the verge of tearing, he reassured me with this quote of his,
“Grades do not determine your intelligence. Your education now is just a training for your future; a training to train your mind to deal with the obstacles you will encounter in the future. Having a low grade now does not determine your intelligence. Do not be dismayed, for I know you are capable of getting this through.”
I was overwhelmed by this saying; he made it sound so easy. Nevertheless, it encouraged me. The heavy burden on my heart was lifted almost instantly. I went home with a lighter heart, and also with a slight more confidence for next year’s O’s.
One year. Just one more year.
I can do this. A year may seem long; however, it is still very shocking to see how a year can fly past so quickly. It will be the holidays soon, then preparations for mid-years, followed by Prelims, which preparations for O’s will quickly come next. Such a blur and fast paced moment. I’m afraid I’d be too slow to keep up; or perhaps too blur and unfocused.
It’s going to be a tough year, and each moment of thought about this honestly scares me. However, a constant reminder to myself is to know that this is just a phase in life. It is a minor compared to all the complex and sophisticated things that will occur later on in the future.
Step by step.
I shall get through this step by step, and Lord, I wholeheartedly put my trust in you to guide me through this.